Loss is a strong, universal feeling accompanying death of a loved one or separation from a sentimental object. For Africans in the diaspora, it comes with an added weight. The pain of losing a loved one is made heavier by distance—the inability for family to be there in the final moments, the regret of missed time, and the helplessness of mourning from afar.Â
Often this loss is framed as the death of a loved one in the motherland -aged parent, uncle and so on. But what happens when the loss is the immigrant breadwinner in a foreign land? How does the family process the loss when home is an ocean away?
For many, grief then remains an unspoken pain point, buried under the demands of survival abroad. Let’s consider the overlooked reality of grief in the diaspora.
A Story of Loss
In mid 2022, the Idoma community in the UK was shaken by a painful loss—the passing of a vibrant young man who had been a pillar of his community. Like many recently arrived immigrants in the UK, Pastor Abraham Idoko was just beginning to find his feet with his young family wife & 3 boys.
His friends and family in the UK mourned, but for those in Nigeria, grief came with an added layer of frustration. Ultimately, Pastor Abraham Idoko was laid to rest in Manchester, attended by none of his immediate extended family. Travel restrictions, financial constraints, and immigration barriers meant many could not be in Manchester to pay their final respects.
Grief became a lonely battle for the widow, who was not fully immersed in the culture of her husband. The traditional mourning practices—gathering family, holding vigils, seeking comfort in community—were out of reach. Instead, there were Zoom calls filled with muted sobs, WhatsApp condolences, and a deep sense of isolation.
This story is not unique. For many in the diaspora, loss feels doubly cruel—you mourn the person, and you mourn the distance that kept you apart.
The Pain Cuts Deeper
Funerals in Africa are a custom arrangement of saying goodbye, but for those in the diaspora, the reality is clear. Many families, like that of Pastor Idoko back home, never get to see their loved one's body, attend the burial, or gather for mourning. The high cost of repatriation means that only the wealthy or socially prominent can afford to bring their departed back to their homeland. For everyone else, loss feels distant, disconnected, and painfully incomplete.
In African cultures, grieving is a communal affair, with family, friends, and neighbours providing comfort and tangible acts of support. However, in the West, grief is often private, and people are expected to process their pain quietly, sometimes in isolation. This contrast leaves many Africans abroad feeling unsupported in their most vulnerable moments.
Beyond the emotional toll, funerals come with enormous financial pain. For many Africans abroad, these tragedies seem to happen at the worst possible moments, just as they are trying to settle down, pay off debts, or build a stable future. There are cultural expectations for generous contributions without factoring the deceased family finances. Meanwhile, people will frown on cheaper wester alternatives like cremation.
Loss is never easy, but for those in the diaspora, it comes with layers of challenge—distance, guilt, isolation, and financial strain. These struggles remain unspoken and deserving of acknowledgment, as grief should never have to be carried alone.
Navigating Grief Abroad
Grief is an ever-constant reality whose impact may diminish with time. One of the ways, people in the diaspora can lessen the impact of grief is through diaspora support networking. Cultural & professional associations as well as faith groups are deeply supportive and create the safe spaces needed for grieving. They are also essential in allowing traditions to be honoured in a dignified manner.
It is difficult to overstate the role of therapy. Although stigmatized in African cultures, grief counselling can be a game changer. It can help a client clarify their thoughts and evaluate their coping mechanisms.
Nowadays, technology has stepped up to bridge the gap in distance between peoples. Folks can leverage WhatsApp & zoom calls to connect & grieve collectively @ home. Although there is the pressure in the diaspora to ‘get over it’ as the world keeps moving, people should have the permission to process grief at their own pace-whether it takes week or years.
You Are Not Alone
Grief is a journey, and in the diaspora, it can be an even lonelier one. But you are not alone. Whether through community, faith, or personal reflection, healing is possible.
If you’ve ever felt the weight of loss from afar, know that your pain is valid. Your love was real. And though miles separate us from home, our hearts remain forever connected.
 Share your story below. Let’s break the silence around grief in the diaspora
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