Can African parents raise successful & disciplined kids abroad without tough love? Many African parents raising children abroad often struggle to balance discipline with freedom, as they face challenges such as youth identity crisis, growing racism, and global right-wing politics.
In Africa, parenting is simple, with strict discipline and respect for elders. Many African parents believe strongly that ‘spare the rod & spoil the child’. The underlying fear is that without strict discipline, their kids may become wayward children.
However, in the UK, US, and Canada, children are raised with laissez-faire approaches, and societies frown on the "tough love" parenting style. To raise disciplined, successful children abroad, African parents must navigate the challenges of balancing discipline with freedom, as explored in a film that perfectly captures this struggle.
The Story of African Parents
"Blue Story" (2019) is a British crime drama that follows two young boys, Timmy and Marco, growing up in South London. Timmy is raised in a strict African home with high expectations, while Marco, from a similar background, becomes involved in gang rivalries.
His mother struggles to protect him from peer pressure and Western influences, fearing that "soft parenting" could lead to his downfall. Despite her best efforts, tragedy strikes, highlighting the need for more than just traditional parenting in today's world. In this world, children are constantly exposed to alternative values, peer pressure, and cultural clashes.
The film reflects the real-life fear among African parents abroad: can they raise their children the African way in the West without losing them?
Cultural Clashes
African parents often grew up in societies where respect for elders, discipline, and strict rules was non-negotiable. In contrast, in the West, children are encouraged to be independent, opinionated, and expressive. As a result, a child growing in the west will likely demand an explanation for an instruction, whereas the child in Africa less likely to.
Parents can achieve better results by adopting a balanced approach, focusing on open conversations, teaching discipline and respect, and encouraging children to share their struggles for guidance, rather than just punishment.
Roots & Identity
Many African parents fear their children might lose touch with their roots. In Africa, family, traditions, and communal values are everything, but in the West, individual liberty is supreme. Parents worry this liberty will lead their kids to reject their native language, cultural customs, and religious values.
Children mirror what they see. If you want them to respect culture, show them through your actions. Speak your native language at home, celebrate traditions, and involve them in family values. These makes culture a natural part of their identity rather than something forced.
Discipline Strategies
In African homes, traditional discipline methods like giving "the eye," talking-to, or spanking were considered normal, but these methods can lead to legal consequences or accusations of abuse abroad.
Many parents feel powerless when their traditional methods are forbidden or discouraged, leading to frustration. Instead, use culturally intelligent discipline methods like :
• Loss of privileges (no phone, video games, or outings).
• Responsibility-based discipline (assigning house chores or educational tasks).
• Positive reinforcement (rewarding good behaviour instead of only punishing mistakes).
Community Action
Western societies often promote freedom of expression, relaxed discipline, and inclusivity, which can conflict with African traditions. Parents fear their children may adopt negative behaviours from peers, social media, or school environments.
To instil discipline, they should involve their children in African community events, youth programs, and mentorship groups. Supporting individual talents, such as arts, sports, or business, can help children channel discipline into their strengths, rather than focusing on traditional career paths.
Looking Forward
Parenting as an African living abroad involves balancing discipline, cultural identity, and success while adapting to a different society. The fear of raising disconnected children is real, but parents can still nurture successful, well-rounded children.
This can happen with communication and adaptation. The best approach is blending discipline with understanding, cultural grounding and structure with love.
What’s your biggest parenting challenge as an African abroad? Share in the comments!If you found this helpful, share this blog with fellow African parents abroad!